Desperate to find something to nurture my body, mind and soul whilst going through IVF, I happened across Clare Spink founder of Fertility Massage UK.
She was running a Fertility Massage retreat in Bali. The timing was perfect. Fertility retreat in August. My first and possibly last ever IVF cycle in October. My husband and I had made a huge decision to travel to South Africa for egg donor IVF. We had endured 4 years of IVF cycles with my own eggs in Sydney and we were nearing the end of our journey, financially, and emotionally.
The pressure was immense. I had all my hopes up for South Africa and was absolutely terrified.
I hadn’t travelled alone for a long time and was scared and nervous as I left for Bali. I was immersed in the world of Fertility Massage for one glorious week. I had no idea just how much that experience would change my life. Shift my energy and set me on a path of healing.
It was way more than a massage retreat, we delved deep into our psyche. I journalled, meditated, wrote letters to my womb, to my unborn child. I allowed my creativity to flow. I may not draw well but I allowed my soul to draw myself pregnant with child. I drew pictres over and over of my pregnant belly and milk heavy breasts. I meditated every day and wrote affirmations straight from my soul.
On the first day we had a Balinese cleansing ceremony which was beautiful and sacred and set my intention very clearly for the week. I would do whatever it took to prepare myself for my upcoming IVF cycle.
The energy was held by a beautiful group of therapists all with their own stories and own healing journies. We shared and sobbed and held one another each and every day.
By the end of the week we felt as if we had known one another for life-times. Beautiful connections made and bonds formed.
My experience was extremely healing. I learnt how to reconnect with my womb, and was able to shed the layers of fear and despair.
There was a lot of ugly crying, serene reflection and mindset shifts.
Why was it so powerful? I was brave. I was really brave. I asked for the healings. I was ready to deal with it. I allowed myself to be absolutely vulnerable. I let every bit of control go. I truly trusted in the universe. I trusted in the process. I trusted in the therapists who were there for me.
I asked the universe to remove all emotional blockages that was stopping me from getting pregnant. Whatever it took. I allowed the emotion to bubble up to the surface. The surges of energy as the trapped emotions started to rise were intitially like whimpers that turned into powerful roars.
Sounds crazy doesnt it? Four years later I am revisiting these feelings and the experience. I recall being aware what was happening but not being able to stop it. My body was jerking around and it literally felt as if my cells were recalibrating. Clare was amazing she banged her drum and held the space for me as did all of the amazing therapists there.
I wanted to let go of every ounce of raw, supressed emotion. It literally surged out of me on that massage table in Bali.
I was so blessed and am still so grateful to the therapists that held that space for me. The therapists who helped to tease out and allow the emotion to come to the surface.
Having experienced such an intense emotional clearing, I now feel prepared and ready to help others who may have a similar experience.
Side note. I have found in my experience that whenever a group of powerful healers are together the group energy causes in turn powerful shifts. Generally on a one to one session with a therapist you would experience a gentler shedding of emotion over a course of sessions. We didn’t have much of a time factor whilst on retreat in Bali.
Allow Yourself to let go of negative emotions
If you too feel like you have lots of blocked emotions holding you back on your fertility journey.
You might like to:
- Make your intention to clear any blocked emotion to the universe. Write it down. Pray. Repeat affirmations. Reflect and meditate on your intention.
- Find a therapist that you resonate with and trust and tell her that you want help to clear any blocked emotions.
- Be prepared to allow yourself to be vulnerable.
- Be brave. Allow what needs to surface in all it’s glory. Don’t be afraid to sob. To make noise. Sometimes going with the sounds can really help the blocked emotion to rise up and out.
- Try not to analyse what the negative emotions are. We all have them. There is no shame.
- Sit quietly and take some deep breaths and place your hands on your womb. Tune in to yourself deep within. How do you feel about your womb. What words come up for you? What feelings come up? Try and do this daily. It will help you to reconnect to the power of your womb space. There is no need to judge any of these feelings just be aware and send love to your womb.
- Are you disapointed with your womb after many failed pregnancy attempts? Have you given her much thought? Allow yourself to reconnect with this most sacred part of our body.
- Think about your womb as the seat of creation and vessel for new life.
- Draw a picture of your womb, the colours, the feelings.
- Write a letter to your womb.
These are some of the exercises I did regularly and now enjoy a pretty good relationship with my womb 🙂 But there is always more work to be done.
Fertility Massage was the coping tool that helped me get through the IVF cycles. I received treatments right up to the day I left for South Africa.
Two months later and with a lot of help from science and an egg donor I was pregnant. The happiest day of my life was receiving that news whilst shopping in Coles.
Think crazy smiling woman. Whooping out loud whilst skipping down the aisles with my trolley. You would have avoided me.
Fertility Massage of course cannot guarantee pregnancy but it helped me enormously to cope through the stresses of my fertility journey.
My wish is to bring this sacred massage therapy to you; to help you connect with your womb; support you through the stress and help you to align body, mind and soul for pregnancy.
If you are going through Fertility issues and would like to book in for a massage I am based in Sydney and you can book in at www.nurturemama.com.au. If you are elsewhere in the world I strongly advise you to find a practitioner to help you through the journey. There are a list of practitioners based around the world here.
Thanks for reading and sending love. Adele xxxxx
