4 years ago I was in the thick of an IVF journey. It’s perhaps a familiar story, I met my husband later in life at 40 so we didn’t start trying for a baby for a while.
I look back on my 40 year old self then and think wow I was naive. I was probably at the peak of my healthiest state ever. I was a keen runner, healthy eater, yoga enthusiast. I really thought that I would have no problem conceiving a little later than most.
After our first appointment at IVF Australia I left feeling quite smug. The FS said that my AMH levels were ‘off the charts good’ for my age. Awesome, I was producing a lot of eggs.
It was only until we had our first cycle that I got the dreadful news that none of the embryos were of good enough quality and so there was nothing to transfer into my womb.
No hope of willing a new life to grow inside me.
The cycle ended in the petri dish there and then.
If you have been on or are going through IVF you will know how awful that daily call is to find out how your embryos are developing in their little petri nest, down at the lab.
My heart would stop as I tried to take in the words of the lab technician.
This was stressful.
My body was rigid with fear.
Hope crumbled away as I heard the words from my IVF doctor “The quality of your eggs is too poor, this cycle. But we can try again”.
The amount of suffering that women and men go through whilst trying to conceive is huge.
Infertility is not something that you shout about. Isolation and shame go hand in hand with infertility.
As a massage therapist I turned to every alternative therapy that I could find to help support myself. Fertility Massage resonated with me the most. It was my coping tool. This was a therapy that helped me cope with the stress and shift my perspective.
At last there was a space where I could be guided to reconnect to my womb space.
This after all was where all the action was supposed to be taking place. Quite honestly my womb and I were not friends. I was super disappointed with not only my womb but all of the ‘past the used by date’ reproductive organs.
My mind was projecting extremely aggressive vibes to my nether regions. Not helpful.
Fertility massage focused on my womb. I was reaping the physical benefits by helping boost blood flow and nourish my vital organs and womb.
Mentally I was being guided to connect for the first time with my womb and to create a beautiful vision in my mind to manifest the child of my dreams.
The massage room was a safe place to release tears. To feel at peace. I knew that I was doing something powerful for my self and for my body. It helped me to sleep better, to deal with the stress and get through a journey that had only just started.
If you are going through a fertility journey whether it be IVF or otherwise. I truly feel for you and I hope you have support around you. If you are based in the Eastern Suburbs of Sydney I am a local Fertility Massage therapist. If you are elsewhere please look up the site Fertility Massage UK for a practitioner near you.
Whatever you do, please don’t suffer through this journey alone. Reach out to an allied womens’ health practitioner or counselor for support. I wish you all the best on your journey and am sending much love and strength your way.
Adele O’Connor xxxx
